Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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