Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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