you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Can you bring me the toilet please
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
