he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
