you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
