I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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