ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
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I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
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Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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