i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
