Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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