I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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