she's into porn, im staying here tonight
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
