I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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