Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
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Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
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Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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