just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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