How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
