Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
