i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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