dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
