I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
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