did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
