I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
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My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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