oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
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I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
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Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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