So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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