what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
