end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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