I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
