I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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