I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
