the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
