Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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