They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
