The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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