You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
