I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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