The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
When are your genitals available?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
