Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
