I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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