I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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