I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Welp...herpes.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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