dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
