I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
