We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
