im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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