i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
