I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
