I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
