His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Randomize
