your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
