I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
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