the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
