I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
