I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
