So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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