i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Randomize
