Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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