Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
