i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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