Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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