Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
