His pubic hair was longer than his dick
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
