i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
