I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
