i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
