The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
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The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
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I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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