my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
your room smells of hookers.
And success
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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