instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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