4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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