I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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