I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
