If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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