and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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