when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
