He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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