I cockslap morals
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
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