He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
