does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
