you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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