I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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