well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
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