Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
