if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
