Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Everything about him screamed your future.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Randomize
