Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
